Weekly
Report

BY COMMISH GOO

OPTIMUS PRIME TIME ANNOUNCES ITS ARRIVAL

Week 1 wasted absolutely no time reminding us why fantasy football can drive a grown man insane. In his first official 11G1I matchup, Optimus Prime Time walked into the league and dropped a ridiculous 203.26 points. Derrick Henry led the destruction with 35.30 points, while Christian Watson added another 33.70. That is one hell of a way for an expansion franchise to introduce itself. James didn’t just win his debut, he kicked the door open and put the entire league on notice. The new guy currently owns the highest-scoring performance of the 2026 season, and everybody else is officially chasing him. But Week 1 wasn’t only about the explosions. It was also about the disappearing acts. Ja’Marr Chase gave The Short Bus just 3.20 points. Colston Loveland gave Thunder & Lightning absolutely nothing. Jaylen Waddle managed only 1.20 for Skeeteam. Three players their owners were counting on combined for just 4.40 points. And then there were the benches. Still Boomin watched Caleb Williams score 39.26 points from the sideline. Optimus Prime Time somehow left Jalen Coker's 34.80 points on the bench and still scored more than 200. Oakland Natives also had 27.72 points from Jalen Hurts sitting unused. Week 1 gave us everything: monster performances, complete no-shows, painful lineup decisions and an expansion team sitting on top of the scoring mountain. THIS YEARS CHAMPS ESCAPES THE WEEK’S CLOSEST BATTLE Golden Empire and This Years Champs delivered the closest matchup of Week 1, with Champs surviving 143.54–135.70. Josh Allen carried This Years Champs with a league-best 37.66 points and provided the difference in a matchup decided by only 7.84. Golden Empire made the defending-title chase uncomfortable until the end, but Champs did just enough to leave opening week 1–0. It wasn’t a blowout. It wasn’t comfortable. But the standings don’t ask how pretty it looked. WEEK 1 DISAPPEARING ACTS Ja’Marr Chase — The Short Bus 3.20 points Colston Loveland — Thunder & Lightning 0.00 points Jaylen Waddle — Skeeteam 1.20 points These three were supposed to help lead their teams. Instead, they combined for 4.40 points and a whole lot of Sunday frustration. THE “WHAT IF?” CLUB Caleb Williams — Still Boomin 39.26 bench points James Cook — Optimus Prime Time 34.80 bench points Jalen Hurts — Oakland Natives 27.72 bench points That’s 101.78 points watching from the sideline. Still Boomin earns the most painful decision of the week after leaving Caleb Williams and his 39.26-point eruption on the bench. WEEK 1 SCORING LEADERS Optimus Prime Time — 203.26 Led by Derrick Henry (35.30) and Christian Watson (33.70) Skeeteam — 169.90 Led by Kenneth Walker III (34.10) and D’Andre Swift (32.40) Thunder & Lightning — 159.98 Led by Bijan Robinson (31.30) and Trevor Lawrence (30.10) The 10th Anniversary season is officially underway and if Week 1 was any indication, this year is going to be absolute chaos. — Commish Goo